Published by Dan on December 31, 2005
in News.
Stop looking for your goddamn emo music on my blog you jerks.
Oh I’m sorry, that’s insensitive. Maybe instead we can play “ring around your asshole,” where we guess which depressed lonely guy put his cock in your ass and rang in the new year with cheers and horrifying moans.
I’m not much on New Years. In fact, it’s really just another day to me. I’m doing the same crap I’d do anyway except when I wake up tomorrow I have to memorize another number to put on the end of my dates along with a pounding headache. Meanwhile, people around the world are involving themselves in a drunken orgy-like gropefest in which they all celebrate that they’ve survived yet another year of their meaningless lives.
Fantastic! Let me get my hat.
Happy New Years, now go kill yourselves. GO GO GO!
I’m going to start this off nice and simple
WHY?
Why are people so scared of technology? I really can’t figure this out, what is it about a mouse that is so scary? It has two or more buttons and it clicks, and it has a little cursor that moves and opens things. What the fuck is so scary about that? It’s not like clicking the “Start” menu will cause your child to implode like a defective landmine.
I’m going to steal one from Steve here. People are willing share the road with horrible drivers, all of whom are operating large vehicles that weigh several tons and are flying down said road at speeds damn close to 100mph. And yet this comes far more naturally than just clicking the mouse. Why? WHY?
Oh, here’s why. You people are fucking stupid and unwilling to change any part of your routine to accomodate technology. Hey old people: you suck ass.
Yeah, I’m damn cynical today. Blow me.
Edit: Old people really do suck. See:
Edit 2: HOLY SHIT
If I were to kill myself, I would probably write my suicide note on an etch-a-sketch. Like this one.
According to the Uncyclopedia, Oscar Wilde once said about suicide: “Go ahead! Do it! Blow your fucking brains out. See if I give a damn!” The Uncyclopedia further warns that one of the consequences of suicide may in fact be death, and that many suicide attempts have ended abruptly in fatality.
Some ways to end your life include:
-Gun to head
-Sudden stab into chest via knife
-Seppuku
-Warcraft 3 on Hard Mode
-Driving while blindfolded
The Uncyclopedia offers a few more, including:
-Boiling oneself to death
-Cutting through the ceiling along your room’s border
-Killing yourself
-Lighting a dynamite stick and throwing it away while your dog is present
-Spending any amount of time in Canada
-Parachuting without opening the parachute
If I were to kill myself, I’d hang myself from a sturdy and operational ceiling fan. That way when they found me in a dimly lit room I’d be spinning around in circles hanging from a ceiling fan. And when you die, your body expunges all excess waste inside of it — meaning ……. you get the picture. It sure would be weird to find a spinning man shooting poo all over the room while hanging from a ceiling fan, his last words recorded on a hello kitty etch-a-sketch merely saying: “Weeeeeee!”
[02:44] ThePirateJosh: For the record, I hate winter. I DESPISE winter. Winter is the season that mother nature should’ve used a coathanger to abort
[02:45] Behemothrex: LOL
[02:45] Behemothrex: nice job quoting Dan
[02:45] ThePirateJosh: He’s awsome
[02:45] Behemothrex: hahaha he’s a great guy
[02:46] Behemothrex: old friend from cedar springs, the guy I started rabid duck with
[02:46] ThePirateJosh: You started that!
[02:46] ThePirateJosh: Well god damn
[02:47] Behemothrex: wtf
[02:47] Behemothrex: how did you even find rabid-duck?
[02:47] Behemothrex: hahahaha
[02:47] ThePirateJosh: I didnt know you started that
[02:47] Behemothrex: yeah
[02:47] ThePirateJosh: What the fuck
[02:47] Behemothrex: I’m Teh Crispy
[02:47] ThePirateJosh: WHAT THE FUCK
[02:47] Behemothrex: That’s my old nickname
[02:47] ThePirateJosh: No I mean My world is upside down right now
[02:48] ThePirateJosh: Here I was thinking these people were awosme funny people And it turns out its you. Well god damn
[02:48] ThePirateJosh: Way to ruin my fun.
[02:48] Behemothrex: one day in yearbook class in 7th grade I turned to Dan and told him that I wanted to start a website called Rabid Duck because I thought it’d be funny for some reason
[02:48] ThePirateJosh: Oh its not some unknown awsome person.. just ol Chris
[02:48] Behemothrex: and he found a webhost, and we got a domain
[02:48] Behemothrex: and it used to be a webcomic
[02:48] Behemothrex: and then a news site
[02:48] Behemothrex: then a wiki
[02:48] Behemothrex: then a comic again
[02:48] Behemothrex: then a game programming site
[02:48] Behemothrex: then it was just down for a year
[02:48] Behemothrex: now it’s… this
[02:49] Behemothrex: “Just ol’ Chris” — thanks for breaking my self confidence
[02:49] Behemothrex: *slit*
[02:49] ThePirateJosh: No way man. Its awsome. I’m just so suprised
[02:49] Behemothrex: hahahaha
[02:49] Behemothrex: it’s listed as my website on xanga
[02:50] ThePirateJosh: Thats like finding out the people that draw Ctrl-alt-del is actually a friend of yours
[02:50] Behemothrex: not quite as cool but I think you might be our first fan o_O
[02:50] ThePirateJosh: haha
[02:50] ThePirateJosh: WOOO
[02:50] Behemothrex: I think you should get like a plaque or something
[02:50] Behemothrex: actually
[02:50] Behemothrex: I think I’m going to paste this log on
[02:50] Behemothrex: RIGHT NOW
[02:50] ThePirateJosh: Der?
Yes, he ended the conversation with “Der?” For what reason? I don’t know.
On a completely related note, I had been trying to come up with something to post here.
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