technobang

If I were to kill myself, I would probably write my suicide note on an etch-a-sketch. Like this one.

According to the Uncyclopedia, Oscar Wilde once said about suicide: “Go ahead! Do it! Blow your fucking brains out. See if I give a damn!” The Uncyclopedia further warns that one of the consequences of suicide may in fact be death, and that many suicide attempts have ended abruptly in fatality.

Some ways to end your life include:
-Gun to head
-Sudden stab into chest via knife
-Seppuku
-Warcraft 3 on Hard Mode
-Driving while blindfolded

The Uncyclopedia offers a few more, including:
-Boiling oneself to death
-Cutting through the ceiling along your room’s border
-Killing yourself
-Lighting a dynamite stick and throwing it away while your dog is present
-Spending any amount of time in Canada
-Parachuting without opening the parachute

If I were to kill myself, I’d hang myself from a sturdy and operational ceiling fan. That way when they found me in a dimly lit room I’d be spinning around in circles hanging from a ceiling fan. And when you die, your body expunges all excess waste inside of it — meaning ……. you get the picture. It sure would be weird to find a spinning man shooting poo all over the room while hanging from a ceiling fan, his last words recorded on a hello kitty etch-a-sketch merely saying: “Weeeeeee!”