technobang

I’m almost too shocked to really be able to reply. I thought the madness would have ended. I thought Rachel Ray sealed the deal. Summoning her required magics of the darkest tier, but here we are again — responding to another e-mail.

This is glorious. But let me warn you that this post is about to get graphic.

I had no idea that there was such ill feelings towards me from my past teacher. To those who defended me on it, you’ll be happy to know that my ass is quite fine and unpenetrated (at least as of recent). That’s because typically I’m not the one getting porked. You see, Sir Verduin, in the grand scheme of ass sex there are in fact two participants — one who is getting their colon itched and the other who is rearranging their partner’s sphincter with their fleshy tool. And I typically am the one doing the rearranging. I know you’d prefer not to talk to those “on the other side of the fence,” and that’s fine — I’ll talk to you. You know what sucks the most for the person getting porked though? We call it “semen farting.” It’s like a dry ass heaving as your body poos nothing but semen. It makes a loud wet farting noise. Delicious.

As I’m sure you’re aware Kipp and I were fucking like bunnies. But sometimes a boy needs oral sex, too. And that’s where your classroom came in. You sure did spend a lot of time before and after school away from your room, didn’t you? And it was awfully convenient how there was never anyone else in the room, or even the building, once the clock started nearing 3:15. I’m surprised you never found it weird that we were so eager to stay after when no one else was there. Especially since both Kipp and I had computers at home. But boy, we sure loved that computer lab…

Mull it over for a while.

I’m not going to bother actually explaining why you piss me off. No matter what reasons I’d give they’d never quite come up to yours, which is simply because I’m gay. As for your beef with Dan and the website in general, I think Dan covered it pretty well. You don’t change much. Let me share with you a little bit of wisdom, and this is in all seriousness: People live seeking what they want, what they think might make them happy. If you ever come to understand that principle you’ll get somewhere in life. It’s not about good or bad people, but people with different wants and needs and their attempts at achieving them. When you put things to perspective you’ll realize why we think it was a really stupid idea for you to send those two e-mails. Until then, it’s just mindless berating.

I would also like to note that Jesus totally is on our side.

While you read over this post again, I would like to remind you that despite me being gay I can still do manly things like kicking people’s asses and going to soccer practice.