technobang

I think I’ll keep this list going because honestly, I’m sickly bored. Will I keep it limited to technology?  I don’t know, don’t ask me.

1. Myspace quizzes.  Fucking hell, I’m so tired of seeing the 80 question quizzes about you that ask things like “when was the last time you masturbated on a webcam” and “what are the 10 things you look for in a guy/girl besides making sure the genitals match what sex they say theyare.”  Really, I don’t care, it doesn’t offer me any insight to know that a week ago you made out with 80 people in a drunken orgy, or that you want to go down on Brad Pitt because you’re convinced he’s “ribbed for your pleasure.”  Do you really need Myspace to tell you that you’re a slut?
2. Bisexuals. Okay, here’s the truth guys and gals—you are not bisexual. Every time I see some personal profile that says “bisexual” I get angry, because chances are you consider that one time you made out with your best friend because you weren’t sure you have been using enough tongue as being on the fence.  Shut it, you’re straight and you’re looking for attention you dumb whore.
3. Ramen noodles.  Thank you for fucking up my metabolism for the year that I devoured you in college.
4. American Idol.  I listen to rock music, not fly covered shit.
5. Star Trek: Voyager.  Thank you for spreading the internet with fake Jeri Ryan nude pics, and fanfiction involving Seven of Nine having a “Borg collective orgy” in the mess hall.
6. Windows Vista. It took how many years to come up with this graphically intensive, heart pounding… operating system?  I’m not impressed.  You dumb fucks at Microsoft spent so much time making the operating system look pretty, that the end result will be a bunch of users switching between windows 98% of their time because it looks pretty, rather than getting any productive work done.  Personally I hope my work signs onto the “no update” initiative, because it looks like Vista is going to be an overpriced orgasm of eye candy.
7. PLPD car insurance.  Because I just love paying $150 a month to fix the other guy’s car.
8. Sirius Satellite Radio.  You guys just suck.

I’m running out of descriptions oh no :(

Posted on Tuesday, March 28th, 2006 at 3:35 pm in Whatever | rss feed for comments| Leave a response, or trackback