technobang

I’m out of my head today.

I don’t even know what I’m going to write here. I have this tendancy to open up this lovely little editor and start blabbing about how much computers suck, how much consumers suck, how much saying stuff sucks sucks. But today I have none of these things on my mind. I have no focus here, there’s nothing I’m writing about, and there’s no humorous end. Indeed, this is an update about nothing. An excuse for me to write things out on a textarea.

How would I go about wording an update with no subject? Ignore the fact that the subject above is titled “what”, that was a spacefiller. And like all spacefillers, it’s meaningless.

In fact I think meaningless is going to be our theme for this update. Yes, meaningless is accurate—the words that I am writing in this satirical and nothing-like fashion hold no meaning. There is no emotional connection, barely any proofreading done, and once more, no subject at all. I’m surprised I have even pumped out these multiple paragraphs as I have done.

How does one react to absolutely nothing? I would assume there is no reaction, because there’s nothing to react to. So the question comes down to, how are you going to react to this update? A raised eyebrow? A small smile? A look of concern and then immediately asking me if I am well, if I am okay, if I belong in a mental institution hugging myself in the corner while being cushioned by padded walls and having injections drilled into my arms by former pedophile orderlies.

I’d prefer not to be admitted into a mental hospital, but thank you for the slightly intriguing offer.

I once read that life is a blade of grass, and in a moment, it will be eaten. I assume it’d be eaten by a four legged animal such as a horse or a goat. Interesting perspective, envisioning the relative grandeur of one’s existence as nothing more than a blade of grass to be consumed. When in reality the lifespan of any individual is nothing more than a blink of an eye when compared to the grand works of the universe. Am I saying that life is short and meaningless? Of course not, I love life, I’d prefer to stay alive and healthy. I’m spouting nonsense.

The passage of time is just interesting to me. You’d think that people would be aware of how time works. One moment you’re doing something unique, the next hundred moments you’re doing the exact same thing. Doesn’t that seem like a waste to you? I guess I’m just failing to see the logic in wasting time, that admittedly we all have very little of, doing the same thing over and over.

I like lakes. I like water. I’m not much on boats though. What the hell’s up with that?

I don’t like the way this keyboard feels against my fingers. They’re sensitive fingers.

There’s a very good chance that I could sit here for the rest of my evening, typing away small little paragraphs such as these in the hopes that someone will read this and interpret them for what it is: absolutely nothing. In fact, I’d like to make a recommendation. Whenever you feel stressed or just worn out, instead of taking a knife and going to your neighbors house to rape her or him by holding it to his or her throat, just take out a pen or whip out your laptop and just write. You’d be so surprised how soothing the whole process is.

Am I soothed? Fuck no. But at least I wrote something.

I was in a 5 week slump.

Work pissed me off beyond my ability to write.  Between the chronic headaches and the complete lack of money I was suffering, I really wasn’t in the mood to update this stupid website.  Am I better now?  Absolutely, I took a 5 day vacation and it fixed me up pretty nicely.

But here lies the problem: I’m not pissed enough to update anymore. So I guess call this a self update. Here’s what I’ve been doing for the past 5 weeks:

April 12th: A man with a funny looking hat inquired about hooking internet up to his home.  What he neglected to tell me in the first place is that he didn’t actually have a home, and lived outside the Amway Grand feeding out of the large dumpster outside.  Clearly a router wouldn’t have been enough to satisfy his needs. This happened around 10:30.  This really happened.

April 17th: My head hurt so bad that I walked into my bathroom door.  Upon opening the bathroom door I smacked my wrist into the towel hanger.  After I untangled myself from the towel hanger I hit my head on the other bathroom door.  I’m pretty sure it hurt.

April 25th: My boss decided to whip me with a lovely keychain that I had obtained and after 5 minutes of playing with it, broke it.  Some time after that a superball was thrown directly at my head.  After which I decided to play nicey nice and and aimed it at his groin.  I have the urge to kill him.  I hope he reads this.

Today: I danced around like a ballerina and sung a few random operas.  I wasn’t aware I knew opera, but clearly I can sing them quite horribly.  I fought the urge to kick this guy in the head for wanting to build a computer that would barely run certain Office programs… and then play Call of Duty 2 well.  Clearly this man is a jackass.

So there you have it.  My exciting life for the past few weeks that I have been absent.  Oh, I mean there was a huge Easter celebration at my house and a few other things of interest such as what happens when my girlfriend and I see eachother after weeks of seperation, but I’m not going to write anything that interests you people because I’d rather hire a black man to bend you over and fuck you like a chicken pecks at corn than write anything interesting about anything ever for you.