technobang

Oh mercy.

Last year I write a horrible update on this website about how I hated winter. As I recall, I said something about mother nature needing to give it the ol’ coathanger abortion. Yeah well, obviously she didn’t listen to me, and instead spawned this shitfest of a season as a prelude to Winter. It’s called Fall.

Some people seem to really dig fall. The trees turn pretty colors, the temperature drops off to a nice 60 degrees. Things are just hunky dory.

SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Fall is the farthest thing from pretty or nice. You get one good week out of fall before the leaves wither and die and drop to the ground wherever you step so you have to listen to that obnoxious “crunch crunch” sound when you walk. Fall is depressing shit people, how do you not see that? You have dead trees and clouds all the time. You wake up and it’s pitch black. You step outside and it’s either raining or really fucking cold. WAKE UP PLANET EARTH: THIS SEASON SUCKS.

Here, I’ll break this down so everyone can get it. When you think of fall, usually you think of this:

When in reality you get this: (and for the record I think this picture is great)

The most aggrivating part of fall is that IT’S OCTOBER and already the holiday and Christmas commercials are out! I blame Old Navy for this. You all look like homosexual Hawaiians in those awful outfits. I hope you choke on your own vomit.

Whatever folks. If you like raking leaves and looking outside at a scene that closely resembles the aftermath of nuclear war, then I guess Fall is the season for you. But if you’re like me, I demand you make a sign and place it in your front yard.

Of course the trouble with this request is that the only people who read this, again, are bots. Well fuck.