Monthly Archive for January, 2007

Assorted Crapsdfjgoijhx

Published on January 18, 2007 in Whatever. 2 Comments

It’s that time again: useless observation and story telling update!

  • IRC – I made the stupid realization today that I’ve left out the primary method of contacting anyone at Rabid Duck off of the “contact” page. This of course is IRC, an archaic form of chat where roughly 9 people congregate to talk about nothing. The specifics will be listed on the contact page if anyone really cares. I doubt this will make a difference.

  • Burger King – I thought about writing an entire update about this, but instead I decided to include it in this batch of micro-updates. I hardly eat there anyway, but I now have a personal vendetta against them. Somehow during the course of ordering a small meal they managed to overcharge me by $99.01. So I gave them a call, carefully telling the barely-English speaking manager to, in effect, “screw himself.” I followed up with this after getting home from work by calling their corporate office to secure 10 Free Whopper sandwich coupons. Great, now that the jist of what happened was done in a polite and nice manager, I will now go ahead and write this as loudly as I can:

    • FUCK BURGER KING

    It’s up pretty high on the list of “most awful food you can get.” “Flame broiled goodness?” Really? It’s flame broiled shit topped with mediocre toppings and put on stale bread that’s been sitting in a steamer. Don’t be a fucking dweeb, it’s garbage, and eating it will eventually turn you into a fat creep like me. Luckily I’ve moved past their artery-clogging garbage.

  • Statues – I have a Darth Vader statue sitting on my desk at work. It came from an MBNA credit card’s “Galactic Rewards” thing. I’m counting the days until some anonymous person steals it and tries to sell it on eBay. I’m watching you…

  • Winter – DAMMIT TO HELL. A year ago I came forward to admit that I hated winter. I really, really hate winter. Cold weather and snow. It puts me in a really bad mood, this winter business. What pisses me off is how mother nature this year decides to tease us with a bunch of mildly warm weather, only to bend us over and fuck us in the ass with this 17 degree high bullshit. Mother nature, why didn’t you listen to me? I realize that it is indeed past the time to jam a coathanger in there and end the life of Winter, but I don’t think it’s too late to get a belt and wrap it around it’s belligerent, spoiled neck and give it a good choke until it falls lifeless on the floor where rats and other small animals can devour it’s ugly little corpse. Or if that doesn’t satisfy you, at least throw some salt in its eyes and call it a whore. Please? For me?

    • Well crapadoodledoo, I think that’s all I have. Stay tuned for when I decide that nobody actually reads this crap and turn this into a children’s educational site.

    Maybe I’ll do that anyway…

    Ergonomic Keyboards: Most Useless Invention Ever

    Published on January 16, 2007 in Whatever. 0 Comments

    EDIT: What the HELL is up with this update? Are you real people actually reading this? If so, please go to the rest of the website instead of judging me based on this one, awful update. I mean holy shit, I look at my hits tracker and I see nothing but hits on this update. Is this particular one very sexy? Did it win a spam award somewhere? Do you find that the thought of ergonomic keyboards make your blood boil? Do you want to just have sex with me on top of an ergonomic keyboard? I don’t get it. Why do you love this? Please let me know.

    You know what? I don’t see the benefits of this at all.

    I’ve been typing for a long time. A really long time. A surprisingly long time, even. While at work I came to the conclusion that the keyboard that is supplied by default honestly just stinks—it doesn’t give the tactile satisfaction of being able to mash your keys as if you were playing some kind of geekified “Wack-A-Mole” game. I then decided I should go ahead and dig through the vast hardware closet across from my desk to see if I couldn’t locate a better, more comfortable keyboard.

    I couldn’t.

    For a while I was using some Keytronics pile of garbage. And then for roughly 8 minutes I used an old Dell OEM keyboard. “Well holy shit, today’s keyboards just suck ass!” I thought wistfully. And then I found a keyboard that had keys that just felt fantabulous. But there was a drawback: it was one of those stupid ergonomic keyboards.

    I decided to take the plunge, figuring I could probably learn to adjust to the awkward layout of the keyboard. And yes, I did, but it doesn’t change the fact that THIS IS THE DUMBEST FUCKING KEYBOARD I’VE EVER USED. I mean goddamn, it’s beyond unnatural to have your hands seperated and on an angle in such a manner while typing. I feel like I should be piloting an aircraft with my hands like this, or at least those cool cars from F-Zero. Just to top it all off, since using it, my hands have actually felt worse because of the constant adjusting and retyping I have to do since I either miss keys or just smack the space between the two sets of keys altogether.

    Wow, thanks Belkin, you sure made my day with your stupid keyboard. And fucking hell, Microsoft, if you invent another stupid keyboard layout like this I will personally take this keyboard and beat Steve Ballmer’s head in. Trust me I could, it’s like a two pound keyboard I have here.

    On a few other varied topics, yes, I know, I haven’t updated in forever. Mostly because yet again I haven’t been pissed off enough to go overboard and make a bloated ass of myself on the internet. Trust me, my three readers, I’m not going to apologize to you.

    Although I feel the need to post a retraction: the constant spam attacks that were headed my way were actually not due to my former computer teacher—but were in fact just randomness, or someone else that really hates me. Also, my computer teacher is not a jerkoff. Something that I feel I should reiterate is that 80% of the angry, mean things I say on this website are entirely false or blown so far out of proportion you might as well count it as false. I’ll eventually post a full disclaimer on what this website really stands for and who is behind it. In all honesty I’m the nicest guy ever, until you piss me off and I feel the need to jam your head inside an old HP Laserjet and watch as 500 copies of the word “douchebag” prints off on your ugly mug.

    I hate all of you.

    um

    Published on January 2, 2007 in Asides. 0 Comments

    For the record: the constant cursing on this website is actually “digitally added” after the update is written. And much of this stuff is figments of my imagination. My awful, awful imagination…

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