Jurassic Park 4 will be really fucking stupid.
| August 25th, 2007Now I realize that I said I’m not a factual news source, and so don’t get pissy at me if this turns out to be a crock of shit. I honest to Christ cannot believe this is true, but according to Bloody Disgusting the fourth Jurassic Park installment will feature dinosaurs trained by the government to kill – WITH WEAPONS.
Let that sink in for a minute.
Keep letting it sink in.
Almost there?
Oh yeah.
WHAT THE FUCK?
It’s official, ladies and gentlemen, Hollywood sucked the wrong cock and is now suffering from some neurological disorder that prevents any meaningful plots to come out. Instead we will be taken to a world where dinosaurs roam the planet as trained assassins, carrying out whatever terrible deeds the United States of America sdfjsoajfsiod I FUCKING CANNOT FINISH THIS SENTENCE WITH ANY KIND OF WIT. THIS IS SO STUPID THAT I WANT TO TEAR MY BRAIN OUT AND SHOVE IT UP SOME SCREENPLAY WRITER’S ASS BECAUSE CLEARLY WHATEVER BRAIN CURRENTLY THERE NOW IS NOT SUFFICIENT.
That aside, why the fuck would you pick dinosaurs to be your trained assassins? Aren’t there more mobile, intelligent animals to choose for such a task? Dogs, which are already trained by the government, can fuck you up pretty bad. Dolphins armed with poison dart guns are also in use by the government to shoot underwater terrorists and drug smugglers. Let’s also not forget the Kitten Espionage Unit (KEU), trained by the CIA to track movements of known threats within the country. Clearly there’s a much larger array of animals to choose from, why a fucking dinosaur? Doesn’t it cost millions of dollars to extract the DNA and clone just ONE of these dinosaurs? Clearly the government is squandering our tax dollars on a trivial defense mechanism.
All that aside, this movie is going to be a trainwreck of abysmal proportions if the rumors turn out to be true. Although in all reality I can’t fathom anyone really truly expecting anything grand out of this latest Jurassic Park. Let’s face it, the last two were shit anyway.
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