technobang

I moved this blog. I know longer stake claim to the rabid-duck namesake. And with that, I bid my halfass humorous website adieu.

It was a nice fling, we had a lot of laughs, but really I’m just done.

I’ve allowed myself to become disconnected. No, this isn’t an internet reference, I’ve allowed myself to become disconnected from society in general. I’ve apparently made the leap from “overbearing social creep” to “geek loner guy” and I’m frankly not sure how comfortable I am with the transition. So my new thing is to write random thins with my eyes closed and see what comes of it.

I’m finding it’s extremely successful.

There’s someone staring at me right now while I do this, and she’s probably thinking I’ve gone crazy. Yeah, probably because I’m typing thins into a computer with my eyes closed, and that usually brings up a few questions as to what the hell I”m doing. Don’t worry, I’ve not gone off the deep end, only treading shallow waters.

I think this blog is going to be disconnected as well.

Not from the internet, once again I’m not full of halfass pop geek references. More like from any trace of coherence. I’m done structuring things, I’m done masking things, I’m done playing with adhesive. Adhesive? I opened my eyes for a second, that makes little sense. Whatever.
i’VE CONCLUDED THAT i’M EITHER IN LOVE OR i’VE FALLEN OUT OF IT. iT’S KIND OF A WEIRD PARACHUTE OF odd emotion BECAUSE i FIND THAT AAAAAAAAAAAAA. I hit caps lock, I”m ignoring it. I watched something today that kind of made me look at myself from the inside out, versus the outside… out. I guess that is to say, I tend to avoid evaluating myself internally for fear of what I might find. I guess that’s why I’m writing from the inside out now, because with my eyes closed it feels as if I’m kicking through a wall of pillows to get anything out. Did that make sense? Probably not.

I’m actually sharing. That’s somewhat odd coming from me. I tend to look at myself like a toybox. No, not because it’s enclosed and whatever uninteresting metaphorical bullshit you wish to throw at me. Mostly because to a child, it portrays this image of being fun and magical and containing all sorts of crazy things. Is that me? Meh, probably not, but there’s some part of me that would love to think so.

There’s another part of me questioning if other things like other things. Does that make sense to you? If you think I’m speaking to you, go ahead and wave at me or something. Otherwise just look at me confused.

I’m still being watched. Kind of eerie, considering I can’t see a damn thing that’s going on. I hope I didn’t erase over my word.

Things have been somewhat confusing for me as of late. I almost got thrown out of my apartment, that was a close call. I am going to move out regardless, mostly because I can’t afford the astronomical expense. I always liked the apartment though because it kind of put me closer to the stars. I miss the starlight. Where I lived before, I could stare for hours up at the sky counting every star I saw and then quietly wishing to myself that I was up there. Childish? Probably, I’m full of it.

I concluded that snow is beautiful, although I hate what it does to roads.

I concluded that I’m finally starting to allow myself to wake the fuck up and feel things again. I’ve been shut off for a long time. Hi Dan, you’re not numb anymore. Oh okay.

I concluded that distance isn’t relevant.

I concluded that beauty is present in so many things, many of which don’t even know it’s there.

I’ve concluded that I tend to speak too much, I go too deep, and I find that doing so often leaves me unfulfilled because few people are like that to me.

I used to come off as really scary. I guess that makes sense huh?

I’ve opened my eyes now and I’m re-reading everything I wrote. I haven’t changed a word or fixed a typo, short of the two sentences where I outright missed the home row. I don’t intend to do any more updates other than the fashion that I’ve done. I’m hoping, I’m really hoping, that somebody sees this and either calls me crazy or goes “holy shit, I know exactly what you are.”