technobang

I want to say the past few months of silence are as a result of writer’s block, but I’m not a writer.

I also want to say the past few months of silence are as a result of being busy, but I’m no more busy than I have been.

I think it’s been a complete lack of inspiration. Few things that annoy me lately have been worth writing about. There’s generic things; traffic in Chicago reminds me of my bowels after eating old pizza—obstructed and moves and spurts. See how uninspired that was? I just made a shit joke.

I’ve been setting up a lot of Macs lately, and the conclusion I’ve come to is that new Mac owners are akin to children lost on a public trail. Sure, the path is extremely easy to follow, but kids are so fucking doped up on corn syrup and iTunes that they’re distracted by the most inane shit.

Calendars annoy the shit out of me. More to the point, people being hopelessly dependent on their calendar is annoying. Are you telling me that you people are fucking incapable of remember basic day-to-day tasks? That having your calendar go missing for a few hours while I set your computer up could, quite possibly, end the world for you? You’re not that important, fuck off—it’s just soccer practice.

Kids are fucking spoiled and babied. I think I was part of the last generation where it was okay to smack your kid around when he acted up. Hell, I’m sure I had it spoiled too, but it’s a slippery slope down to the bottom. It’s grotesque. I was listening to this girl gush on about her graduation the other day, and I’m thinking to myself “well gee, she’s awfully young to be graduating highschool.” It was a stupid thought in itself, but the truth became clear pretty quickly: it was a middle school graduation.

Beg pardon?

Since when was it necessary to give these stupid kids entitlement and a false sense of responsibility by giving them huge graduation ceremonies when moving up to highschool? “Congratulations, welcome to highschool! Hope you don’t get knocked up!” That’s fucking stupid! How mentally undeveloped are kids today where they have to be patted on the back and given a gold sticker at 13 years old? I’m surprised the Asians haven’t sauntered over and shit on your faces for being so goddamn far behind.

With that kind of behavior, I’m really not shocked at the sudden springing up of emo culture. I used to agree with Opie and Anthony in this situation. They said that we now live in a homo culture, but that’s not entirely accurate. The emasculation of the male species isn’t a result of a feminine touch. Oh no, it’s occurring because kids aren’t being kicked around anymore and males grow up to be soft, whiny little faggots. “But they’re in touch with their emotions!!!!!” – Okay? I’ve been listening to my female friends whine about their respective (ex)boyfriends… how they whine and cry about everything in life, and how they shovel piles of shit onto the women because they’re demanding sympathy and attention.

You know what I have to say to that? Fuck you. You’re ruining my goddamn gender.

Don’t get me wrong, I grew up a little whiny faggot. That’s part of the culture. The difference is, instead of continuing to be a whiny faggot into adulthood, I managed to, uh, emotionally mature. So no, I don’t whine and cry when things go wrong. I don’t shut myself in an emotional closet and cry myself to sleep. I don’t guilt trip the entire world into feeling bad for me. Why the fuck would I?

I HAVE TESTICLES. ATTENTION: MY TESTICLES STILL FUNCTION. THEY’RE STRANGE LOOKING AND MISSHAPEN BUT I STILL RULE YOU.

Shape up, faggot men. Women will hate you less if you hop to it.

Posted on Friday, May 9th, 2008 at 9:52 am in Whatever | rss feed for comments| Leave a response, or trackback