Llamas stink by comparison.
| June 21st, 2008There’s a bit of a revolution going on inside of my apartment that I feel the need to squash here and now.
Here at rabid-duck we believe that the duck and all forms of Anatidae bird are in fact the highest form of life on this planet. Perched high on the Mountain of Quackitude, the emperor of all ducks sneers down upon all that is beneath him—including the dreaded menace to all things good and true: the llama.
A little backhistory on the llama:
Llamas were first introduced during World War II. During the planning phases of the Pearl Harbor bombings, the Japanese realized that by using mild amounts of German superscience, inexpensive and ruthless foot soldiers could be genetically engineered to land on the harbor and combat the American soldiers hand to hand. However during a long, sweaty, drunken gropefest between the lead researcher and several Japanese hookers (and something he lovingly called “Captain Tentacles”) large quantities of goat semen contaminated the incubation chamber. Thus, the llama was born. With the sex drive of a Japanese scientist and the rage of a thousand goats, these horrible and bloodthirsty creatures burst from their chambers, ready to strike.
The llamas made their way to a small village in New Guinea where, after slaughtering all the men and raping all the women, they formed a small llama community. After living in relative peace for roughly a decade, they turned their rage on the outside world. Using their natural ability to command many forms of sea life, the llamas used sperm whales to capture a handful of Russian nuclear submarines carrying atomic bombs which, incidentally, were bound for the United States.
Little is now known of the llama menace. Their genetic and societal impurities have led several of their offspring to flee their small village, reproducing in several areas of the United States and Mexico and posing as domesticated, slack-jawed fools. However, as spokesperson for the emperor of all ducks, I can safely say that as the offspring of a Japanese researcher, several hookers, and goat semen, ducks are clearly the superior beings.
So let us turn to the matter at hand. The spokesperson to the llama governor seems to believe that, even though they lack opposable thumbs, llamas will conquer the world. The duck army has mobilized to counteract this laughable threat, and soon the llama hierarchy will stand in ruins.
Frankly I can’t wait to see the duck emperor drink a beer while dozens of llama lie dead at his feet. It will be a glorious sight to behold.
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