technobang

It’s this laborious sweaty shuffle of grunting and moaning that I more or less force myself to participate in. I feel about it the same as I would taking out the trash or mowing the lawn. Maybe worse – those acts don’t require me to pretend I care about it.

At one point I think I was attracted to her. It feels like a distant memory which sounds really hilarious coming from someone my age. I can’t help myself though, it feels like years since I’ve felt any kind of spark between us other than loathing and disgust.

When we first met I honestly felt she was out of my league. Funny, witty, could hold a conversation with me. Had a big ass which I felt was an excellent attribute. Now she’s, well… you know one of those hot air balloons you’ll see sitting in a used car dealership’s parking lot? The giant ill-inflated ones that wobble in the wind when it hits it right? That’s her. Wobbly and ill-inflated. Although I guess I shouldn’t complain, I’m not exactly a looker either. I’m a gumpy fatass with hair that’s too big and a head that’s shaped like one of those Japanese square watermelons that was left out in the sun.

Whatever.

I have a problem with sinking into my own head during crucial moments. I know this because she’s right now naked, on top of me, looking at me for some kind of validation for what she accomplished. Apparently she got off, good for her. Maybe I’ll give her a medal. Or a tomahawk to the neck.

“Are you even paying attention?!” she manages to screech out in a voice that sounds disturbingly similar to that of a pissed-off crow, which in turn causes me to jump and fall off the bed slightly.

She may have figured out I wasn’t paying attention.

“Do I even EXCITE you anymore?”

Oh my God I have to answer this. ohshitohshitohshitohshit

“Um, yeah, of course you do… I guess I’m just tired is all.”

Heh heh. Works every time.

Except now she’s looking at me – through me, even – with a gaze that could probably make the most hardened man cringe if he held it. I, of course, am the farthest thing from a hardened man so I immediately look down and make an effort to crawl away from her before this becomes more uncomfortable.

Somehow I manage to succeed and pull some pants on so that I might recover a drink from the kitchen. I make it about halfway there when I realize something is amiss.

Her drunk, extremely unpleasant stepdad is right there. Right in the hallway. Staring at me. Me, without a shirt and unbuttoned pants.

Did I mention I’m 15? Hi.

He starts toward me. Hell, starts toward me may be an understatement. With one step he manages to clear about 10 feet somehow. Probably my imagination but he’s 6′4″ and all muscle, I’m 6′0″ and all flab.

I let out a girlish yelp and stumble back into her bedroom and slam the door shut and use my body to hold it that way. Hopefully excess weight comes in useful.

She looks at me wide-eyed “I..is that?!” – “Oh, yeah, he’s here! Glad you noticed!” I yell back. She tosses me my shirt and my shoes, I start eyeing her bedroom window.

As it turns out, I’m capable of incredible speed. At what felt like light-speed, I rush the window, throw it open, and dive out feet first as if I’m going down the best waterslide ever.

A waterslide that ends with a thorny bush. Fuckin’ awesome.

This of course forces me to elicit a very loud “FUCK!” as I throw my shirt over my head and start running for my car – an act that causes me to wheeze and cramp and wish death upon my crappy, out of shape body.

Then I hear a door open. In my mind I secretly hope it’s either a cop or the ice cream man or the guy who fixes the vending machine at my school and hands me a free pop because I told him how to get his wife’s AIM password.

No. Wrong. Stepdad with a shotgun.

“This CANNOT be fucking happening” I mutter to myself as I close on my car. Out of the corner of my eye, I see him taking aim at me. My heart stops.

I can see this whole thing coming to an end. My crappy life, filled with lies and secrets and betrayals and hurting the people I love the most all coming to an end because I knocked up a girl and am now forcing myself to fuck her and take care of her because I’m not man enough to leave after I catch her blowing some dude repeatedly. All of it for nothing.

Click. Was it a click? What did I just hear? Oh. Right. The gun.