So this is how it goes.
God taps 3 plains and a mountain (he plays a pretty mean hybrid deck I must say) and casts
Thankfully, I was using my green/blue deck so I tapped two islands and cast
And that’s how Teh Crispy saved the world.
I know that my last broken link broke your hearts, but fear not — I come bearing fresh links.
You have been warned.
Remember Neopets? I sure do. When I was in Middle School. I’m sure Dan remembers when I first signed up to that site and talked about it offhandedly the next day. I played it for a couple months on and off. Then I checked back on the pet every other month for about a year. Then I got sick of it. I played it for a day when they finally got a battle system in. Realized it was still the piece of crap it had been. Eventually I figured it’d wither away and die, forever and ever.
But hey, I also thought that of Myspace when I first signed up for a year ago. Unfortunately, however, that furry’s wetdream that Neopets is (though not quite as bad as Furcadia) didn’t die. As a matter of fact. It flourished. There is a magazine. A trading card game. And now…?
WHY
PS: this is awkward.
I’m almost too shocked to really be able to reply. I thought the madness would have ended. I thought Rachel Ray sealed the deal. Summoning her required magics of the darkest tier, but here we are again — responding to another e-mail.
This is glorious. But let me warn you that this post is about to get graphic.
I had no idea that there was such ill feelings towards me from my past teacher. To those who defended me on it, you’ll be happy to know that my ass is quite fine and unpenetrated (at least as of recent). That’s because typically I’m not the one getting porked. You see, Sir Verduin, in the grand scheme of ass sex there are in fact two participants — one who is getting their colon itched and the other who is rearranging their partner’s sphincter with their fleshy tool. And I typically am the one doing the rearranging. I know you’d prefer not to talk to those “on the other side of the fence,” and that’s fine — I’ll talk to you. You know what sucks the most for the person getting porked though? We call it “semen farting.” It’s like a dry ass heaving as your body poos nothing but semen. It makes a loud wet farting noise. Delicious.
As I’m sure you’re aware Kipp and I were fucking like bunnies. But sometimes a boy needs oral sex, too. And that’s where your classroom came in. You sure did spend a lot of time before and after school away from your room, didn’t you? And it was awfully convenient how there was never anyone else in the room, or even the building, once the clock started nearing 3:15. I’m surprised you never found it weird that we were so eager to stay after when no one else was there. Especially since both Kipp and I had computers at home. But boy, we sure loved that computer lab…
Mull it over for a while.
I’m not going to bother actually explaining why you piss me off. No matter what reasons I’d give they’d never quite come up to yours, which is simply because I’m gay. As for your beef with Dan and the website in general, I think Dan covered it pretty well. You don’t change much. Let me share with you a little bit of wisdom, and this is in all seriousness: People live seeking what they want, what they think might make them happy. If you ever come to understand that principle you’ll get somewhere in life. It’s not about good or bad people, but people with different wants and needs and their attempts at achieving them. When you put things to perspective you’ll realize why we think it was a really stupid idea for you to send those two e-mails. Until then, it’s just mindless berating.
I would also like to note that Jesus totally is on our side.
Let me reiterate a few things. First, as stated before, this website is called Rabid-Duck. Fucking rabid-duck. I’m going to bold swear words so the aforementioned sender can grade my simple mind as well. I don’t know what shit fucking cunt hell the sender of that e-mail was expecting to find at this website but I’m glad they didn’t find it. As a matter of fact, I will fucking go out of my way to hide that shit so that the bitch never finds this “wisdom” that was mentioned.
Lets fucking talk a little bit about something called anticlimax. It’s like leading your mother to orgasm but then taking it out of her cunt. Enough of that shit though.
As for your opinions about industry standards, Dan’s work, this site and its merit or lackthereof, etc etc — if we wanted your lip we’d stick our hands up your skirt and grab it.
If I were to kill myself, I would probably write my suicide note on an etch-a-sketch. Like this one.
According to the Uncyclopedia, Oscar Wilde once said about suicide: “Go ahead! Do it! Blow your fucking brains out. See if I give a damn!” The Uncyclopedia further warns that one of the consequences of suicide may in fact be death, and that many suicide attempts have ended abruptly in fatality.
Some ways to end your life include:
-Gun to head
-Sudden stab into chest via knife
-Seppuku
-Warcraft 3 on Hard Mode
-Driving while blindfolded
The Uncyclopedia offers a few more, including:
-Boiling oneself to death
-Cutting through the ceiling along your room’s border
-Killing yourself
-Lighting a dynamite stick and throwing it away while your dog is present
-Spending any amount of time in Canada
-Parachuting without opening the parachute
If I were to kill myself, I’d hang myself from a sturdy and operational ceiling fan. That way when they found me in a dimly lit room I’d be spinning around in circles hanging from a ceiling fan. And when you die, your body expunges all excess waste inside of it — meaning ……. you get the picture. It sure would be weird to find a spinning man shooting poo all over the room while hanging from a ceiling fan, his last words recorded on a hello kitty etch-a-sketch merely saying: “Weeeeeee!”
[02:44] ThePirateJosh: For the record, I hate winter. I DESPISE winter. Winter is the season that mother nature should’ve used a coathanger to abort
[02:45] Behemothrex: LOL
[02:45] Behemothrex: nice job quoting Dan
[02:45] ThePirateJosh: He’s awsome
[02:45] Behemothrex: hahaha he’s a great guy
[02:46] Behemothrex: old friend from cedar springs, the guy I started rabid duck with
[02:46] ThePirateJosh: You started that!
[02:46] ThePirateJosh: Well god damn
[02:47] Behemothrex: wtf
[02:47] Behemothrex: how did you even find rabid-duck?
[02:47] Behemothrex: hahahaha
[02:47] ThePirateJosh: I didnt know you started that
[02:47] Behemothrex: yeah
[02:47] ThePirateJosh: What the fuck
[02:47] Behemothrex: I’m Teh Crispy
[02:47] ThePirateJosh: WHAT THE FUCK
[02:47] Behemothrex: That’s my old nickname
[02:47] ThePirateJosh: No I mean My world is upside down right now
[02:48] ThePirateJosh: Here I was thinking these people were awosme funny people And it turns out its you. Well god damn
[02:48] ThePirateJosh: Way to ruin my fun.
[02:48] Behemothrex: one day in yearbook class in 7th grade I turned to Dan and told him that I wanted to start a website called Rabid Duck because I thought it’d be funny for some reason
[02:48] ThePirateJosh: Oh its not some unknown awsome person.. just ol Chris
[02:48] Behemothrex: and he found a webhost, and we got a domain
[02:48] Behemothrex: and it used to be a webcomic
[02:48] Behemothrex: and then a news site
[02:48] Behemothrex: then a wiki
[02:48] Behemothrex: then a comic again
[02:48] Behemothrex: then a game programming site
[02:48] Behemothrex: then it was just down for a year
[02:48] Behemothrex: now it’s… this
[02:49] Behemothrex: “Just ol’ Chris” — thanks for breaking my self confidence
[02:49] Behemothrex: *slit*
[02:49] ThePirateJosh: No way man. Its awsome. I’m just so suprised
[02:49] Behemothrex: hahahaha
[02:49] Behemothrex: it’s listed as my website on xanga
[02:50] ThePirateJosh: Thats like finding out the people that draw Ctrl-alt-del is actually a friend of yours
[02:50] Behemothrex: not quite as cool but I think you might be our first fan o_O
[02:50] ThePirateJosh: haha
[02:50] ThePirateJosh: WOOO
[02:50] Behemothrex: I think you should get like a plaque or something
[02:50] Behemothrex: actually
[02:50] Behemothrex: I think I’m going to paste this log on
[02:50] Behemothrex: RIGHT NOW
[02:50] ThePirateJosh: Der?
Yes, he ended the conversation with “Der?” For what reason? I don’t know.
On a completely related note, I had been trying to come up with something to post here.
Thanksgiving isn’t about having really great food, it’s about having above-standard leftovers. It’s about all those times you’re sitting at your computer, too lazy or busy to really take the time to cook something, and not in the mood for instant ramen or any various frozen foodproduct. At those times, you realize that there are thanksgiving leftovers in the fridge, and you rejoice. There is hope yet. There is stuff that actually tastes like food that can be microwaved in under 3 minutes, or eaten cold if you so desire.
That, my dear friends, is the true spirit of Thanksgiving.
I want to add to the list of things that shouldn’t exist anymore. And to be fair, I’ll keep it in the forum of technology.
3. Beepers. I saw one the other day. What the fuck? Get a cellphone for christ’s sake. If you really want to emulate that beeper feel, set the cell to vibrate and make people fucking text message you. Beepers are one of those things that should’ve died in the 90s, like Green Day.
4. Geocities. Do I really need to speak on this? Angelfire, Tripod, Homestead — they all eventually stopped trying to proliferate. But geocities? They’re alive and kicking. They’re begging to survive. And they’ll forever be a sandbox for newbie HTML lameasses to play with their shitty javascripts they found on hotscripts.com.
5. Hi5.com. Just give up. Seriously. You lost.
To be fair, I’ll list one thing that technology gave us that I will forever appreciate:
Google image searching. How else would I be able to pull up a random picture of a fat burly man in a sailor moon outfit?
First off, I’m crispy.
Teh crispy: rabid-duck.com.. a blog
Teh crispy: why didn’t we do this earlier?
FLYINGHAT LOLOL: you know, I have no idea
FLYINGHAT LOLOL: and it makes perfect sense
Teh crispy: we rant all the time
Teh crispy: that’s what we were known for
FLYINGHAT LOLOL: exactly!
Teh crispy: it’s my homepage now
FLYINGHAT LOLOL: you can post too
FLYINGHAT LOLOL: you’re the fucking founder you have to be able to post >:|
Teh crispy: hahahaha
Teh crispy: Rabid duck is my illegitimate child
Teh crispy: I impregnated you with it
Teh crispy: and skipped town
FLYINGHAT LOLOL: I sitll haven’t lost the weight I put on from it :(
Teh crispy: but now I’ve come back, and I want to be it’s daddy
FLYINGHAT LOLOL: hi daddy <3
So yeah. I’m on here now. I don’t have much else pertinent to say, so Look! *points* There’s an ill-placed mildly amusing distraction for you to gawk at while I depart hastily for comedic effect!
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